Ooh Child things'll get brighterrr

"some day, well get it together and well get it all done

someday when your head is much lighter

someday well walk in the rays of a beautiul sun

someday when the world is much brighter"

I'm living in quite a wonderful world.
Well, compared to the rest of the world and the past.
I dont see it as how some people are lucky,
I see it like everyone deserves the basic things things that people see or talk about as 'privelages'.
ofcourse im talking very idealistically and optimistic while being aware of  all the crazy stuff

but even personally i tend to go through really blank times when i just feel bleeeeh
and thinking about if i am lucky or not, or comparing my life doesnt make any difference
and right now there's so much stuff going through my head i dont know what to think!
i feel like im going to fail uni,
i dont want to fail cos uni isnt free, but i also wanna fail cos i feel like that way i will get over this fear!!!
also, all this peace and war stuff sometimes makes me feel so alive, then so numb afterwards.!
like should i try to fight the things i know aren't so good,
or should i just go along with it and try to be happy while ignoring the realities...

i do hope things will get easier
?????????????

also i've been reading anne franks diary
(oh yeah i also have to finish lotr books, i wonder how long itll take me to get back to that...>.>)
and im feeling a little awkward about myself cos this girl was quite young, but her thoughts in her diary are someitmes quite eye-opening.
and i think to myself, wtf was i even thinking about or writing about when i was younger.
another reminder my mind woke up late
im pretty sure i just wrote stuff like " i do think barbie is okay. " and "today i climbed the palm tree"
and even now i just write stuff like i need to get a job quick.

now i have to get back to doing an essay thats due in a few days!!!
ive been using precious time watching Walking Dead instead. -..-