oh come closer~~~

It's 3 days till my exam, and I feel like i'm only understanding all these things now.

and im studying on campus in a quiet room
where we cant eat
but i bought pastry earlier and its warm and the smell is wafting from my bag to all around me -_-
and i remember how delicious the fudge brownies i made last night were! so perfect!
anyways, recent photos of me from a festival

Ooh Child things'll get brighterrr

"some day, well get it together and well get it all done

someday when your head is much lighter

someday well walk in the rays of a beautiul sun

someday when the world is much brighter"

I'm living in quite a wonderful world.
Well, compared to the rest of the world and the past.
I dont see it as how some people are lucky,
I see it like everyone deserves the basic things things that people see or talk about as 'privelages'.
ofcourse im talking very idealistically and optimistic while being aware of  all the crazy stuff

but even personally i tend to go through really blank times when i just feel bleeeeh
and thinking about if i am lucky or not, or comparing my life doesnt make any difference
and right now there's so much stuff going through my head i dont know what to think!
i feel like im going to fail uni,
i dont want to fail cos uni isnt free, but i also wanna fail cos i feel like that way i will get over this fear!!!
also, all this peace and war stuff sometimes makes me feel so alive, then so numb afterwards.!
like should i try to fight the things i know aren't so good,
or should i just go along with it and try to be happy while ignoring the realities...

i do hope things will get easier
?????????????

also i've been reading anne franks diary
(oh yeah i also have to finish lotr books, i wonder how long itll take me to get back to that...>.>)
and im feeling a little awkward about myself cos this girl was quite young, but her thoughts in her diary are someitmes quite eye-opening.
and i think to myself, wtf was i even thinking about or writing about when i was younger.
another reminder my mind woke up late
im pretty sure i just wrote stuff like " i do think barbie is okay. " and "today i climbed the palm tree"
and even now i just write stuff like i need to get a job quick.

now i have to get back to doing an essay thats due in a few days!!!
ive been using precious time watching Walking Dead instead. -..-

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making too many cosplay plans ~★

Oh gosh, I planned at the start of the year to limit myself to 2 cosplays.
and even no conventions.
at that time (wut it actually wasnt even that long ago) i was so not interested in cosplay AT ALL
for some strange reasons

well actually for a while i had not been into fashion, shopping, my beautiful sweetie clothes, or anything that involved consumerism.  except for maybe music.
even topshop window wasn't exciting to me for a while (they usually have a few outfits on show that match everything i want)
Thats all i was into really, music, and movies every now and then.

Over the holidays (3 months) I went home, and it was perfect for me
cos all i would wear were basics, and handmedowns, and vintage clothes.
and it was perfect cos my mind felt at peace
going to malls rarely, when last time i was home i went to the malls about every second day.
when i thought about that it kinda made me feel sick.
I even thought about working hard as ants and investing and all that mature stuff.
I could just throw anything on and feel no worry! none at all!!!

and blah blah blah blah blah

i suddenly decide to go on some old favourite sites,
and meetup with old friends of old who reminded me of my old life
 i get dizzy and shit.
and whats this!
Im broke but suddenly extending my cosplay list! wtf!
(this is all too much for me cos cosplaying usually involves using up so much cash, and half the time, spending on other things like a convention and hotels, etc)
(it's becos i can start things but never really finish them.  I only ever have 1 out of 5 plans finished)

But anyways!
Im buying a costume for the first time! inu x boku ss uniform!

///and i just looked away from this for a while and ive been listening to console wars? for a long time without knowing. who tf are they wow my mind is so unaware sometimes///
but yeah, im buying cos it will save me time, and money  surprisingly.
me and my friend also want to try it!  i've never even looked at cosplay shops costumes till now.
I have wanted to just buy a costume for ages, but me loving my sewing machine and fabric stores...
it was kind of hard not to just make them.
also my first karuta cos was shit doge as turd. we rushed it. it was all on a whim, fun, but no planning whatsoever haha~!

yeah it was pretty nasty, less than half of cute than it couldve been so no close ups -.-

hopefullly this time tho we look wonderful as unicorns and cuter than marshmallows. ^^. ♥
and hopefully i can remember to blog more!